Where does this brave reservoir of mine reside? It reveals itself like a seductive dream you can’t help feel like you remember when you awake. The dream you are sure of just between the aphasic phase and denial phase of the new day that awaits you beyond the bulky blanket. Sometimes though, I have the swaddle resembling an elephant with a toothache in need of a root canal. The life in the desert immediately anaesthetises me and I'm then left juggling the numbness and inflammation. The harsh environment provokes emotional masturbation. Inescapable. On reflection this is par for the course - this initiation and rite of passage in Sudan, I had it in South Sudan and now North Sudan seems to hold no special mystery otherwise in this respect. In other ways it is incredibly special. Here you will walk the ambidextrous path leading you to all the philosophical quandaries. You think you heading for the Nile instead you feel you are just in the middle of nowhere. But nowhere is somewhere for someone!