Brave new day: I wake up, exercise my joints (not less than an hour), get up, make myself eat something, put on my sneakers; every movement, any pressure is painful; in public transport I squeeze a bag in my hand: “Not vomiting”. A crowd of people is pushing from each side. An old lady in a merry state of mind sat herself in the vacant seat while I was crawling to it behind a nearby standing person. She has sat down and is looking at me: “Hah, I was faster!” No power to explain. I can’t overcome the pain to take hold of the upper handrail. The sounds and images blur. I continue to go forward to the day hospital. I climb the stairs, clenching my teeth, I stop at each step.
What is it? It's TB, or rather TB treatment. Anxiety: how did I get this? I never drank, never smoked, worked in a proper office. Why me? What is going to happen to me, to all of us? Talking to other patients I realized that it can happen to anyone anytime: on maternity leave, at an exhibition, on public transport, in a sports complex, everywhere.
I was lucky with a fellow sufferer. We would call each other on the phone when one of us felt bad.
TO THOSE WHO ARE HEALTHY – It is difficult to conceive the feelings of another person, though our own feelings get deadened eventually. You should know that you are incredibly happy to look at the stars in the sky, hear warm voices, walk, even when feeling a splinter. Because YOU CAN do it.
TO THOSE PATIENTS WHO HAVE NOT STARTED THE TREATMENT YET — If I was asked if I would agree to take the treatment again, I couldn’t answer. I believe that the science does not keep up with the mutation. However even hopeless TB patients manage to recover sometimes, as far as I’ve heard.
TO THE PATIENTS — Alcohol. Some patients who never stopped binge drinking, felt better during the treatment. Some people recommended to drink a little in order to get rid of the side effects. They called it "blockade". It blocks or rather neutralizes the effects of medicines. Would you agree to get a short relief here and now, but to start the treatment course from the beginning after that?
TB BENEFITS — take a short test:
If you were offered:
1. a) to have a choice
b) to have no choice
2. a) to give away all your possessions up to a single penny but never face the horrible treatment
b) to go through the TB treatment and keep your property
3. a) to complete the thorny path that makes you better
b) never to go through this in exchange for being free from awareness
The answers are in the posts 8th and 17th month of treatment. But I’ll tell you so far that besides the awareness, I’ve got a new option, POWER. It's like a whirlwind in me now, as if a new organ has grown, which gives new opportunities.