Now let’s talk how different people tolerate treatment.
The same way alcohol (or snakebite poisoning or electric shock) influences different people differently; we cannot predict how the person would tolerate the medicines. The treatment is easier for some patients and tougher for the others. Closer to the end of the treatment the patient is adapting to the dose better and better. Yet again everybody has different ability of the body. If you drink a certain dose of alcohol every day you’d get used to it sooner or later, and the tolerance would improve. The question is how long it will take to get used to and what dose will be unacceptable. But I keep saying to all patients that despite individual circumstances the adaptation would still happen, and side effects of TB drugs would reduce.
They put me back on a 0.75 dose. In a week’s time I felt improvement. For the first time during a year and a half of treatment I felt that taking medicines for me was not like playing a roulette - ‘will I survive or not’ (in movies they usually show this feeling as a rotating revolver drum with several bullets in it and pressing the trigger to the temple), but I started to take it as treatment (no bullets, just a gun which it is very hard to look at and moreover to hold after all this experience).
I forced myself to go to the inpatient clinic but I tried not to tell somebody about it: everybody entered it as if everything was fine, while I… could not.
When it became quite obvious, I tried to explain, but they didn’t believe me, they were even offended. Until once I had a chance to talk to a woman who had survived cancer.
She underwent a course of oncological treatment. Though very tragic, her story filled the room with some divine energy uniting all substances. The sense of being united. I'm not the only one. It’s so important to know that there are other people like you! I felt better, not just better - well! She couldn't see doctors or tolerate their presence (wanted to jump out of the room) for 3 years after course ended. Even if she saw people in white gowns in a TV movie, she would switch to another channel. This is a normal reaction when you are suffering for a long time.
Only those who have similar experience can understand it.
I wondered why I this had happened to me. When I was a kid in our schools we had no children psychologists who could identify a problem. No one has helped me. Even if there were any psychologists, I’d try to conceal my problems in order to preserve my patents’ reputation. That’s the way children act. That’s why I was interested if they teach psychology as a subject at schools now. No, they don’t. This issue was discussed at the Council of the Belarussian State Pedagogical University in October 2016. This suggestion was made by one of the founders of the Institute of Psychology of the Pedagogical University, earlier the Psychology department, Doctor of psychology, Professor Yakov Lvovich Kolominsky, who prepared a number of books for this. So far only a psychological education programme for the pedagogics classes’ students developed at the same University has been implemented. The support of practitioners, employers and wider society is important for the realization of the researchers’ ideas.