17th month of treatment
Today we are going to discuss my favorite topic - ‘A sound mind in a sound body’.
Today we are going to discuss my favorite topic - ‘A sound mind in a sound body’.
It’s notorious that your day-to day desires go by the wayside when you are sick: instead of going out and having fun you’d rather lie down in silence. We change our way of living and devote attention to absolutely different things. So why do we get sick, maybe in order to listen to our own body? May be it’s the way our body communicates with us?
Here’s an interesting fact: once I met a woman who thought her son was a fool. When it was explained that she had made him one herself by putting constant pressure on him, she had an awful pain in the ear for three days. She heard what she was told.
Another woman once shared her impressions of a visit to a traditional healer, as the doctors could not understand why her leg had swollen and was about to burst. Entering the room she heard: "Whose road have you barred?"
My aunt had a stressful job and would often catch cold. We do not reflect on these things, but the body says: "Have a rest. You should not go there".
In fact, the body is a smart tool that helps us to become happy.
So why is it that I got TB? Not a quinsy, diarrhea or anything else? At first glance it's awful! The treatment is so long and difficult to tolerate! What sort of happiness can it bring? :-(
My body was dying again and again, day after day. Every day after taking drugs it was a death. Wait, it reminds me of the fifth post. And here is a lead!
People say that tuberculosis indicates that the sick person fails to accept some or one fact of the life.
Now you will see a dog who had been mistreated and then stroked for the first time in his life.

That’s how I felt when strangers from the ninth post would take care of me. They did not expect anything in return. They could love. In my 34 years, why haven’t I felt this warmth from people before? Does it mean that all those kind people are gathered here? No, of course not. Then why?
Physical pain is more evident than the emotional one.
In my case TB is a secondary benefit. I felt very cold, and the disease was the way to draw attention and to get emotionally warm. Let’s dig to the roots. What was the cause of this freezing? My parents’ negligence and weakness from a long time ago. And TB helped me with it bringing back to a traumatic situation. Otherwise I wouldn’t have understood anything and would have lived according to their pattern of relationship in my future family. Happiness would have been impossible to achieve. How often I wanted to escape! And only physical disease stopped me saying, "You don't want this again, do you?" The most difficult period of the psychological trauma treatment is the beginning, the same as in the TB treatment. I was pricked where it hurt most, and I had to learn how to protect myself. I realized what purpose me being sick served. My childhood scenario repeated itself almost exactly. But I already knew that I had to act differently. Our habits, mindsets and values do not change in a tick. It takes time. TB gave me a 20-months long opportunity to work on my own happiness. It gave me the tools to correct mistakes and learn new skills: to protect my boundaries "Don't yell at me, I'm sick", "No, I don’t understand, perhaps, it’s because of the medicine’s influence", to achieve my goals under any circumstances: “Give me a hug. When you do this I feel better”, to work on the interlocutor’s false assumptions: “Yes, this is my hair on the floor, that’s because of chemotherapy”.
Yelling and reproaches used to make me feel nausea once like TB drugs now.
That’s the way our soul pain runs out the body. It's amazing how our body can help!
I managed to talk to a woman, who recovered from cancer. More on this in the next post.

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