After all that I have told you, and the struggles I was facing, it may seem strange to you when I say that an overwhelming motivation and inspiration rose in me - to achieve success in a short period of time.
I realized that everything in my life was at zero level – my health, career and personal life. But I felt that if I struggled as hard as I could, I could have all I wanted. I could feel this and kept imagining it all the time.
Thus I set myself aims, made conditions with myself and demanded that I realized them.
I found a job but after several days my health deteriorated and I understood that I could only achieve what i wanted after I was cured.
I even decided to try to go to Germany to receive treatment there, but could not even attempt that option.
This is when I started to make the first, though difficult, steps on a path of light. I contacted MSF staff and arranged a meeting to explain my fears related to the treatment procedure, the side effects of the drugs and explained why I discontinued the treatment before.
I asked them to be with me, to support me to overcome the disease. But as soon as I began to remember the two years of treatment I had with those drugs I could not imagine that I could really do it again.
I was supposed to start everything from the beginning, and the beginning was hospitalization. Irrespective of my fears and concerns I agreed, especially because there was a wonderful doctor next to me, who was dedicated to my complete recovery.
Before hospitalization every day I said to myself: “Mariam, please, you must do it, you have to take the drugs no matter how bad you feel. I am sure you can do it. Please.”
The first step on the right path was made. And the treatment of Mariam started.