i know it can get rough, and your writing makes sense. it's understandable to have some panic that the baby will arrive before you are ready (similar to the dream i had the other night where i had to get on a plane in 2 hours and pack for a nine month mission and i didn't know what to take! i just threw all the dirty clothes off my floor into a plastic bag and called that 'packed')
i know you worry you won't be prepared enough, won't have the right stuff, will drop the baby... and any other creepy crawly worry that can get into your head. but, i'm here to play the 'aid worker' card and tell you about what i see in my work. (so aged and wise i have become)
there are mommies that just love their babies. mommies that have nothing at all, unregistered refugees living in mud.
i see them when they bring them to our clinics, they hold them, they feed them anything they can. they are held in slings and scraps of cloth. when the babies get better, they start laughing and gurgling and they are happy. then the mom is happy. and so are the sisters and brothers there with them...
seriously, love is all it takes. i have watched a child grow from 1 kilo to 3, born premature to an ill mother. father was gone, but child siblings all present. i watched the mother, frightenly malnourised herself, feed that child throughout the day with theraputic milk via an eye dropper. everytime someone arrived, she eagerly showed off her growing child. her son and older daughter would skip around the bed, gleeful.
but yes, it's misleading to say love is all it takes, because this child could have died despite her mother's love - the world is incredibly unfair that way. but my point is simple, and it's something i know you know, but may be hard to hold on to sometimes... all the baby needs is for you and his father to love and protect him. i have watched mother's with nothing to offer their babies but love and the willingness to take them to a doctor, save their babies lives.
i can't wait to meet your baby this summer. i never knew how much i could appreciate the sight of a fat baby, but it makes me so happy now. i'm happy to know that your baby is fat already, and loved already.
post script... my nephew was born but one week later. 1 month early, but still a healthy 6lbs and 10 ounces. i guess my sister's dreams about the baby showing up early were actually warnings :) i am such a proud auntie right now!