i'm having one of those evenings - when i know i should chose to lie down in that nice bed that is less than two feet away from me right now and sleep... but instead i want to write something.
i put the short note on the blog just a few hours back, apologising for my absence, and promising more soon... and i read through some comments that have arrived, and i visited the other blogs that have developed since i last logged on. and then i went to the living room and visited with our midwife who is en route to her own holidays in the same country i just left and we had a great talk. and all day i spent catching up on the projects and talking to all my co-workers and i talked with someone about a project they are headed to after they leave here, and i had a nice email chat with our fabulous web manager in toronto... and i'm filled with this cheesy, shiny happy feeling.
i honestly love my job. i love it beyond compare. i love it when i'm so tired and so frustrated and want to tell people to, well, to do things that i shouldn't write here...
and i love it because even when we are having the most terrible discussions and making the hardest decisions, i am surrounded by the most committed group of people i have ever had the honour to work with. it is truely remarkable to work with people who all believe in the simple act of giving what we can, doing what we can, even when we know it isn't enough. every time i leave somewhere, for a vacation, for a break between missions, for training... i'm always so tired and i relish the relief of some silence, but whenever i return i'm reminded why i've come. who we are all working for. and i am filled with hope and a little bit more peace. because even though within 30 minutes of being back in my office, i had 6 people set up meetings to discuss issues and strategize or plan... i knew i was back to what means so much to me.
a wise man recently said to me, in a time when there were frustrations lurking and so much of 'but how can we make sure we've been useful, done something', he said (and i'll paraphrase here), 'at least they will know that someone was here, someone willing to say i am here with you and i will be here, and hold your hand, and witness this, and give you what i can while i can.'
and that makes all the difference.