Fieldset
I have to be strong
It is now 14 months since I started my treatment. The simple form of TB had not been detected in me before this. My husband got sick with TB in 2009. Despite completing six months of TB treatment, MDR TB was detected  in him in 2012. I was very sad when I heard that my husband had TB.
It is now 14 months since I started my treatment. The simple form of TB had not been detected in me before this. My husband got sick with TB in 2009. Despite completing six months of TB treatment, MDR TB was detected  in him in 2012. I was very sad when I heard that my husband had TB. When we got married we agreed to solve all our problems together, so I tried to improve his spirit, give him hope to get better. I tried persuading him that he would get better but at the same time I was worried whether he would get better or not. I was afraid that my children would be without a father. It was like all the family responsibilities were left entirely to me. That’s why the thought “I have to be strong” was going around in my mind.
 
Two weeks later I was shocked with the news that I had the same form of TB as my husband, MDR TB. The thought that “I would be cured or not” was going around in my mind. I was worried about my children, that they would be orphans. I was afraid that they would also get infected with TB. “I must be cured, live, and we must live” was going around non-stop in my mind. When I started my treatment I used to miss my home and children a lot. Before TB I used to think that if I had a child I would try to take care of him from birth. I suffered a lot every time when I thought about my two children, that they were missing their father and mother. I missed them a lot. I used to think that life is so difficult… There was an airport near the hospital where we stayed. I used to watch the planes flying over and envy the healthy people in them. I used to wonder if those people knew how lucky they were, not suffering from any diseases. When I had difficulties solving small problems in the past I used to get depressed, but nowI think those times were my happy times. These kinds of thoughts were going around in my mind.
 
After two and a half months we were discharged from hospital. My husband and I transferred to the ambulatory treatment phase. My daughter is three years old and my son is two years old. Both of them are now at home.
 
My sisters, my parents and my mother-in-law gave me emotional support when I was in hospital. My hope to get better got stronger from their words. Our spirit was better when we came back home. But still, I was thinking about everything. Before I was interested in everything; like different countries, different fields, what are people’s lifestyles like in general? I don’t know why, maybe because I was jobless, staying at home, I had lots of questions related to the topics which I mentioned above. In general, whatever I saw would raise dozens of questions about that thing. My brain used to get tired trying to find the answers. It was as if there was nothing except questions in my mind.
 
During that time I used to go the counselors and talk to them. It seemed to me that nobody could understand me except my counselors.
 
Later on I was so bored that I wanted to go back to my work, wanted to be a teacher again. I hurried to go back to my work, to communicate with other people. But I knew that my health had to come first. I didn’t want to think that I was suspended from social work for two years. At those times I missed my busy times, like when I didn’t have time even to drink my tea. 9 - 10 months have passed by having such thoughts.
 
One day my husband got severely sick. After catching a cold he didn’t have enough energy to go to the corner to take his drugs. He was sent to hospital. Two of my children caught a cold. They were also sent to hospital. My mother-in-law was with them in the hospital. I did my ambulatory treatment. I was not interested in anything at that time. It seemed that my life would pass like this, full of suffering. I felt as if everybody had been looking at me, feeling sorry, and some laughing at me. At that time I remembered my carefree, healthy and joyful times. I convinced myself that it was a test for me. I should be patient and all these difficulties would pass. So, in order to overcome these difficulties what I needed to do was take all my drugs, get my treatment in time, and be patient. Thinking these things and having patience I continued my treatment without missing my drugs.
 
Now we are both on our 15th month of treatment. He is in hospital and I am on ambulatory treatment. We are in a good family mood now. We talk about our dreams a lot, and this proves that we are in a high spirits and believe that we will get better.