Abatgul's diary, pt 2: 'Waiting'

Abatgul is a journalist and a tuberculosis (TB) patient advocate. On her blog, she's sharing entries from the diary that she kept during her treatment for drug resistant TB. In this post she describes a very special day during her time living in a TB hospital ward...

“I’m waiting for you” – I tell myself with a strong desire.

Even waking up early every morning I keep waiting for you to come. My desire is so strong that my dreams seem to have the wings to fly high.

I’m looking forward to hearing you soon, my inner life expects good news.

It’s 6 o’clock in the morning.

I get up from the bed and, wearing my dressing-gown, come outside. I take deep breaths of the wonderful fresh morning air as I continue my way to the mulberry trees which have been growing by chance in this desert place.

The trees grow on the eastern side of the hospital, where you can see the sunrise. I usually come there to make a wish.

All around me is quiet. Freshness of the air comforts the soul. I do easy exercises. As days pass I do my best to attain the dreams that I wish for every day. Coming and gazing at the mulberries, I sink deep in my thoughts.

I also want to live. I also want my future to be like a big tree with lovely shadows

Someone from somewhere brought these trees as saplings. For some reason he planted them altogether in one place. That is what makes me think a lot.

I come here to make a wish. These mulberries are growing in a waterless place and continuing to survive. Trying to live. I also want to live. I also want my future to be like a big tree with lovely shadows.

While I make my wish, I ask these special mulberry trees to support me too.

When I come back to my room I see my roommates still sleeping sweetly. They are also waiting for you. Every Monday, every Wednesday and every Friday I look at the doctors hopefully, as if they bring good news.

Four and half months I have lived with this hope and this dream.

August has started. Today is Monday. Dr, Nina* is doing ward rounds. She greeted us and while talking to my roommate, she turned to me and said that my lab results had come.

 With a bit of fear I asked, ‘what does it say?’

‘Your test results are negative.’

I threw all of my fearful feelings away and felt a kind of strong energy all over my body as my dream came true – to get negative lab tests. This is what I have been waiting for.

This strength I had was a direction and a belief that I could step forward towards a bright future and victory.

(*Name of doctor is changed)