In my last entry I wrote about finding the balance between empathy and necessary emotional distance in order to avoid mental exhaustion. So far I feel I have been quite successful in this balancing. However, there have been a couple of moments where I’ve struggled.
One instant took place a week ago when one of the Family Support Center nurses told me about ongoing clan fights in a nearby village. She told me that the other fighting party also included some children. As per my understanding child soldiers are not at all common here, but this anecdote affected me deeply. I walked over to the MSF office and cried and debriefed with our logisticians (turns out, these logisticians make good counselors too). I cried over children having to experience something children should never experience, over children being exposed to such traumatic circumstances, over lives that might be lost way too young. Sometimes one just does not have enough defenses.
Another thing that affected me happened today and was quite different from the one described above. It was just a little moment. I was joining my counselor on our daily awareness sessions in the hospital area where we talk about intimate partner violence, sexual violence and MSF’s services to survivors of violence. We were standing in the out-patient area and my counselor was talking to the crowd in Huli language. I had time to glance over the public. I saw women carrying their babies in traditional billum bags, men with painted faces and wreaths on their heads, old women with muddy feet after having walked two hours to get to the hospital.
My gaze was drawn to a young, obviously poor mother who had come to the hospital with her baby. The baby’s foot was injured. The mother had stabilized the little foot with a piece of cardboard from a food package and a dirty cloth. The sight of this hit me. I felt this enormous empathy for the woman who did all she could to help her baby with the small resources she has. I felt sadness over the social injustice in the world; I felt sadness for her baby receiving so much less social services than a baby born in my home country Finland would.
These feelings are challenges for me personally. If I let it all in, if I let it all affect me with its whole strength I will be burned out quickly. But on the other hand I am very glad they do affect me. That is what is the heart and soul of this work.
Thank you Kim, Dick, Daniel, Nelda, Debra, John, Karina and Paul for your comments! Your words give me a lot of strength, and they mean very, very much to me. Thank you!
@John: Thank you for your post! I would definitely want to hear more about the work that your wife does here in PNG. I am sure it is very challenging work given the remoteness and the big patient numbers… Please give her my best wishes!
@Karina: Oh, I am happy to hear from you, nice that you found my blog! We have your picture on the office wall in the FSC so I have heard the nurses talk about you
They send you best regards (also the new staff) and say congratulations for the baby. Have a merry Xmas and all the best!
Dear Minja, Thank you for all the kindness that you’re giving others… it makes a difference. There is no kindness that goes unnoticed it all helps for the benefit of many…. wishing you peace, joy and happiness for you and all that come into your life….Love Paul
Hi Minja
So nice to read your blog with updates from Tari. I was the medical doctor there for the FSC in 2010. Please say a big hello to the girls there especially my nurses and tell them I think about them all the time and wonder how they are going. Tell them I am 6 months pregnant now and looking quite fat! All along I can’t help but compare my western world maternity experience to those of our lovely patients in Tari who had so much else to deal with….
Cheers, Karina
My wife and I work in PNG in Gulf Province in a very remote area. She and another nurse take care of over 9,000 patients a year without a doctor. Your story is common here, and people in the Western world need to see it through eyes, like yours, who see it with compassion.
Contact me and I can connect you to her updates.
Through pain we grow, and feeling this pain will forever change the size of your heart. Your empathy brings hope to the lady with the baby with an injured foot. Hope is the belief that things will improve.it is a powerful force that your presence brings. Hold on to your hope with strength that you know you are doing everything in your power to make a difference. We stand with you. Thank you for investing a part of your life to make our world a better place.
Your posts are very touching. Keep up the good work.
Minja, your words are a path to my feet as we learn of another terrible school shooting here in the US. I am so grateful to you for your work, your words and your love. May you continue to know peace, and grace when you have no peace.
Found your blog on FB, and just wanted to say thank you for all you do…..My wife is a retired nurse and a big supporter of Doctors Without Borders. Passed your blog onto her, and now I look forward to reading your future posts, as well as the others on your site. Be safe and thank you again.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings. Please keep up the good work in PNG,
Kind regards,
Kim (MSF-H)