Made in Bangladesh

*seriously emo blog again – i wouldn’t even have posted it but jason says it’s ok – but he’s my husband so he has to.*

my head hurts. a lot.

i was just doing some research online – reading every report i could find on the history of the rohingyas in bangladesh, and the factors leading to their being here, and everything that’s happened since they arrived…

pages and pages of testimonials, and articles, and photos and reports, different agencies, similar findings… and it’s not like i’m surprised. it’s not like i’m not confirming what i already know, what i could hear/see/infer (some of the info was ours). but the temptation to scream right now is overwhelming.

and i wonder who we are. how do we get here.

just to think of people escaping terrible conditions, to end up in limbo, living in a country they aren’t wanted, scraping by to survive, and still saying it’s better than what they left.

reading old reports where refugees put their faith in the international community, put their faith in political changes at home, put their faith in a woman who continues to be under house arrest today. and i wondered if those people still hoped, if anyone heard them anymore, and if those wishes were anything but whispers years on.

i’m scared the world sees them like phantoms, something to be shut away behind a wall of fear or indifference. i’m scared i would have too, if i hadn’t met them, talked to them, and didn’t have their voices in my head right now.

but if i try hard, i remember that this is not always the case.

recently a bbc reporter came to tal during the unrest in myanmar and interviewed folk in the camp, asking them how they felt about the protests. and the story managed to portray the people as having some agency, and beliefs and ideas and thoughts, and did not dismiss them as floating ghosts suspended in time. the man hunched over the radio was suddenly connected to his past – a fine silver thread leading back to his former home. a thread of hope. so yes, that man still hopes.

that’s the important part right? the hope?

here i will deliberately show another picture of some of the kids in tal camp smiling. i want to have a picture where they are more than sadness and desperation. a picture that shows that these are children. children living in the worst conditions i’ve ever seen.

i know what prompted my whole research extravaganza… we just completed the annual plan exercise where we think about what we can/should/hope to accomplish in 2008. i guess that’s what has me thinking so much. and i know (i really do!) that we are doing what we can and i should lay off myself and forgive myself and try to feel okay. but it’s just so hard.

i’m gonna have to do a lot of yoga tonight.

but here is the photo… and now i’m amused that in this shot they kinda look like they are in jail.& hmm. definite accident.

well before i scooted off for vacation, i did make it back to teknaf for another field visit.  this time i brought with me Leonie (see below), our WatSan from the Dhaka Emergency DTC Project (more photos coming soon!!!), and a visitor from HQ, Ms Katya, who is our Expat Support Office (lots of HRM duties)We flew to Cox’s via Chittagong and it was nearly a private jet by the end since we were the only folk going to Cox’s.  The flight attendant let me know it wasn’t the best time of year to visit, and perhaps I should delay my trip

here’s a shot of me taking my human resources responsibilities seriously.  neck massage with smelly de-stress potion.  i take care of my people!!

next we had a 2 hour car ride (much shorter than when the flight is to chittagong).  katya is a bit of a photo freak so she took lots of pics out the window of the car.  i think it was the first time she’d seen real rice paddies.. although these look a little flooded.

if you don’t see rice paddies when you look out the window you probably see this:

then finally we see the blessed sign!

(have i ever mentioned that everything here ends up water damaged somehow?  our logco came back from a field visit and the shoes he had left in the apartment had grown mold…)

so first thing… get some work done at the office.  meet with the
Project Coordinator, Administrators, and later on a meeting with all
the Expats to go over HRM/Finance things to update on
policies/procedures, and see if anything has come up (Question
Time!!!).  Then off to the house for an evening of chatting.  Fun.
Here’s a pic of the office for reference.. (and leonie waving)

For
the rest of the trip I had meetings scheduled.  Looooots of meetings.
First one, was with the office staff: mostly your logisticians,
administrators, translators, guards, cleaners and drivers.  I managed
to schedule this for the hottest part of the morning when there is no
shade.  So um, I’m not going to post photos of me melting.
But, Purpose of the meetings to discuss:
1/
MSF Principles and how they translate in our daily work (like
neutrality, impartiality and a core belief in the right to medical
assistance) – and how can we relate that to our reasons/actions here in
Bangladesh.
2/ Each of our role in helping patients (from loggies to doctors) – let’s all brainstorm those ways!
3/
How our work here is part of broader movement, and how serving the
patients and adhering to principles like neutrality and impartiality
has a worldwide impact on MSF being able to work the way we do.
4/ Annnnnnd always the question period about specific HRM/Admin/Finance policies and procedures

And
the first meeting with the office staff was good – the staff had a
great awareness of their organisation, and happily all knew how
important their place was.  I worry about non-medical staff sometimes
feeling like they aren’t important, but the storekeeper knew that he
had to keep the drug store organised and the stock cards up to date so
that the doctor wouldn’t run out of a medicine, and our beneficiary
could get treatment.  Huzzah!

The second meeting I did was with
the staff from the Feeding Centre (TFC) and the (Out-Patient) Clinic
outside Tal Camp.  Here’s a shot of some of our staff at the TFC:

This
was a good meeting too – and I was so happy when I asked our Clinic
Cleaner how she saw her role in patient service.  I was given a very
good run down on hygiene practices and the impact of poor hygiene on
health!  The guards as well knew that they played a totally important
part in facilitating the medical triage that goes on at the front gate
(done by a medical staff).  I was thrilled to see that all the staff knew
how important they are in our programs here!

I took a break from the large workshop type meetings to chat with the
Clinic and IPD (Hospital) Supervisors.  Mostly to discuss scheduling
and things… and i’m totally listening in this picture… it’s just
really hot.

these
guys do not suffer from ‘expat fear’ at all which is great, so they
totally let me know what was working, what wasn’t, and how they thought
it should be fixed. i’m happy now because i think we’ve resolved the
main issue they brought up.  huzzah!

(expat fear: the affliction
of being somewhat hesitant around these strange foreigners who show up
and like to make changes and have the potential to run amok. can be
developed after working for INGO’s where this has happened.  Often
leads to not speaking your mind when statement would contradict
presumed desires of an expat.  i don’t blame people for developing
expat fear, but i wish the causes weren’t there….)

Our Expat Midwife/Nurse Penny enjoys watching the Doctors grilling me   Beside her is our translator Sworna.

we
did a tour of the IPD which was great because I hadn’t seen it since
all of the construction was completed.  Here is the Emergency Room:

and the pharmacy

and
penny here is showing off her fabulous birthing unit, a small separate
building beside the IPD.  and no, that is not a noose, but a birthing
rope that penny had put in.  dear penny has worked around the world,
and apprently the concept of a suspended rope like this is one women
have thought of nearly everywhere!

demonstrated… (tee hee)

oh, and here’s penny showing me the real use for a bed in a birthing unit

and then a quick hi to everyone else working!

i
don’t have an exterior picture of this hospital (We met and toured the
Nayapara one) but I’ll include a shot of the Kutupalong IPD below so
you know what they basically look like from the outside:

it
is super handy to have a logisitician who is an architect by trade when
you are building new hospitals.  they will make it all very nice, while
coming in on budget (i know, the budget thing is boring to everyone
else, but i’m the finco…).  the roof is very cool – the extra venting at the top makes the ipd sooo much cooler than you’d expect in this climate.

the last two big staff meetings
were scheduled with all of the staff of the 2 IPDs.  the first one was great,
and as the staff were all less than 6 months working as well as being
seconded from the Ministry of Health, i wasn’t expecting everyone to
have too much to say about MSF… but i was wrong!  very good
discussion – and i must say they took the most advantage of the Q&A
re: finance/hrm/admin.  How does everything work and why that way!?!?
by the end, i was exhausted… but still satisfied with it all.

a couple of evenings we took advantage of the cooling temperatures and
lack of monsoony rain to wander through teknaf town.  it would be a
nice relaxing adventures if delivery trucks didn’t take up 99% of the
road and nearly crush you repeatedly.  but here we are wandering:

and here’s the local spice stall/hardware store (cumin and nails, together at last!):

it is truely a coastal city… lots of boats:

and a great sunset

and so ends another trip to our fair teknaf.

i’m having one of those evenings – when i know i should chose to lie down in that nice bed that is less than two feet away from me right now and sleep… but instead i want to write something.

i put the short note on the blog just a few hours back, apologising for my absence, and promising more soon… and i read through some comments that have arrived, and i visited the other blogs that have developed since i last logged on.  and then i went to the living room and visited with our midwife who is en route to her own holidays in the same country i just left and we had a great talk. and all day i spent catching up on the projects and talking to all my co-workers and i talked with someone about a project they are headed to after they leave here, and i had a nice email chat with our fabulous web manager in toronto… and i’m filled with this cheesy, shiny happy feeling.

i honestly love my job.  i love it beyond compare.  i love it when i’m so tired and so frustrated and want to tell people to, well, to do things that i shouldn’t write here…

and i love it because even when we are having the most terrible discussions and making the hardest decisions, i am surrounded by the most committed group of people i have ever had the honour to work with.  it is truely remarkable to work with people who all believe in the simple act of giving what we can, doing what we can, even when we know it isn’t enough.  every time i leave somewhere, for a vacation, for a break between missions, for training… i’m always so tired and i relish the relief of some silence, but whenever i return i’m reminded why i’ve come.  who we are all working for.  and i am filled with hope and a little bit more peace.  because even though within 30 minutes of being back in my office, i had 6 people set up meetings to discuss issues and strategize or plan… i knew i was back to what means so much to me.

a wise man recently said to me, in a time when there were frustrations lurking and so much of ‘but how can we make sure we’ve been useful, done something’, he said (and i’ll paraphrase here), ‘at least they will know that someone was here, someone willing to say i am here with you and i will be here, and hold your hand, and witness this, and give you what i can while i can.’

and that makes all the difference.

ahhhhh holidays.  gives one time to reflect, think, relax.. and finish posts that were started but abandonned when eye fatigue had started to set in.

i am back from a week of these holidays, and trying to turn those scraps of posts into something coherant.  it’s been really quite busy since i posted my late night meloncholy.  we did start up an emergency project here in dhaka and that’s the main reason i stopped posting.  i think my entire department developed eye strain from staring at monitors for 12+ hours a day.

but i’m back and all refreshed and wanting to let everyone know what has been going on.  apologies for not giving you the blow by blow as it happened, but i just did not have it in me to type another word by the time i’d come home at night… so malesh, the last month will be a retrospective like tale, not a true blog.  hope no one minds.

for now, as i am off to bed soon… i will post a link to a story on BBC.

toodles,
julia